Looking at the Positives

We are seeing a few more encouraging signs as Farrah continues to fight. Her nurses tell us that while she is still critical, she is stable. The doctors and nurses look at Farrah's behavior as a big indicator of how she is feeling and how to assess the current situation. Yesterday while I was there during the daytime, Farrah opened her eyes during two of her afternoon rounds. That is, once we shut off the lights. Our little girl clearly thinks the lights above her bed are way too bright. Farrah's day nurse, Margaret, and I noticed that Farrah was sucking on the styrofoam board that is on her arm so she won't pull out her IV. We tried putting a pacifier in her mouth so she would suck on that instead of the styrofoam. Pretty soon after we did that, Farrah was sucking away on her pacifier and finally fell back asleep. She also pooped during the daytime for me as well as the night time when Ray was there changing her diaper. Peeing and pooping is a good sign that her body is still doing what it needs to do. Because of the blood infection, Farrah has quite a bit of fluid retention right now. She is receiving more lasix to help her get rid of the extra fluid. When weighed last night, Farrah was over the 3-pound mark, but there is so much fluid in her body that we cannot be sure of her actual weight. In terms of defining exactly what is happening, we have been told that Farrah has sepsis in addition to pneumonia. This is a very serious condition for babies, as well as adults. There are certain complications that oftentimes come along with sepsis that we have not seen in Farrah, and yesterday's nurses said that we should consider that a very good sign and be encouraged by that. They also want to start up again on Farrah's feedings soon, which is another good sign.

We signed a consent for Farrah to have a lumbar puncture today because with sepsis, they need to check her spinal fluid to see if she also has meningitis. We hope and pray that she does not have it. If she does, they will give her a longer dose of antibiotics. I am reminded of a gal from high school who had meningitis and who got better. They will give Farrah morphine through her IV before the procedure so she won't feel a thing, and we have been assured that the physicians and nurse practitioners have lots and lots of experience performing the LPs. I requested that no resident perform the LP on Farrah, and our primary nurse practitioner told me that no residents are overseeing Farrah's care right now. I believe strongly in a teaching hospital setting and know that residents need lots of hands-on training. However, Farrah needs to be treated by the best of the best in her current state and we will accept nothing less. I am getting to know the NICU staff better as I spend more time there. I remember how sick I was 10 years ago - how I had a similiar type of fluid retention, how I had setbacks in the hospital, and most importantly, how I got better.

So...how are we doing with all this? Honestly, on Wednesday, I lost it. My mind went to places that I wish it didn't go to and I was a wreck. By Thursday, I felt better about things because Farrah showed me that she was doing better. I also could start to see the positives in the current situation, and I believe that all the prayers and good thoughts from everyone are lifting us up. Ray was strong on Wednesday and Thursday, but yesterday was a hard day for him. After googling Farrah's current diagnoses (which is a very dangerous thing to do), Ray reached a place where I was on Wednesday. Please pray for him right now. He is still wrestling with the "why" questions and trying to make sense of all the recent setbacks after a relatively smooth path for Farrah's first month. We both need strength to keep on keeping on because Farrah needs us to be strong. Farrah needs us to be her advocate. Farrah needs us to keep looking past all the tubes and the cords and to show up and let her know that we are there with her, rooting her on, passing on all the positive thoughts and all the prayers and love from everyone who is wishing her well. We are leaning on each other and God and appreciate all the love and support from all of you. We are also moving forward towards the outcome that we want. Farrah's nursery furniture was delivered yesterday and Ray spent the afternoon putting everything together.  We will continue to get her nursery ready for when she comes home.